Are you worrying too much about what you can't change? The Stoic way of sorting it out

Your boss's mood. Tomorrow's weather. A past mistake. What other people think of you. We spend a surprising amount of time worrying about things we can't move.

In ancient Greece and Rome there were philosophers known as the Stoics. Their thinking was less abstract theory and more a craft for how to live each day. And its starting point was one very simple line.

What's up to you, and what isn't

Epictetus went from being enslaved to being a philosopher. The Enchiridion (Handbook), a summary of his teachings compiled by his student Arrian, opens with words to this effect [1]:

Up to us are judgment, what we pursue, and what we avoid: the workings of our own mind. Not up to us are the body, property, reputation, and position: things that aren't our own doing [1].

I find it interesting that reputation is on the "not up to us" side. However hard you try, what others think is finally decided by them. What you can do is put your own conduct in order, and no more.

What disturbs us isn't events, but judgments

The Enchiridion has another well-known passage. In my own words [1]:

Epictetus uses death as an example. If death were truly terrible, it would have seemed so to Socrates too. What's terrible is our judgment that "death is terrible."

Someone talks over you in a meeting. In itself, that's just an event. When a judgment like "they don't take me seriously" or "I'm useless" lands on top of it, the event turns into pain.

This is close to what I wrote in "Maybe fear is discomfort, not danger." Separate what you're feeling from what is actually happening, at least for a moment.

The notebook an emperor wrote to himself

It wasn't only a formerly enslaved man who left Stoic words behind. The Meditations of the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius is a notebook he wrote in Greek, for himself. Its original title means "to himself," and it's thought he never meant to publish it. Many parts are believed to have been written while on military campaigns [2].

A man in one of the most powerful positions in the world was writing not to lecture others, but to steady himself. I think even an emperor had a mountain of things he couldn't change.

Life isn't short; it's a question of how you use it

Seneca, also of Rome, wrote in On the Shortness of Life, in my rendering: "Life is long, if you know how to use it" [3].

According to Seneca, life feels short not because we don't have enough time, but because we let it drain away on worries about things we can't change and on appearances kept up for others.

Apply Epictetus's line here, and you get this: time spent on what isn't up to you doesn't come back.

What survives in therapy 2,000 years later

This way of thinking didn't stay inside the classics. The psychotherapist Albert Ellis developed rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), one of the roots of later cognitive behavioral therapy. He frequently quoted Epictetus's line that people are disturbed not by things but by their views of them [4].

Look again not at the event itself, but at how you're taking it. A philosophy from 2,000 years ago still sits at the foundation of how we handle the mind today.

Draw one line on a sheet of paper

What I've been trying is very simple. Write down your current worries, and draw a line down the middle of the page.

• Left side (up to you): your preparation, how you say things, what you do today, how you take it
• Right side (not up to you): other people's reactions, evaluations, outcomes, the past

You don't have to stop thinking about the right side. But don't stand there for long. Make only what's on the left into today's actions.